With my mandatory 8 weeks of “anger management” counseling complete all I had to do to get most of this behind me was complete my probation, which was still a long way out.  Probation wasn’t too bad.  I had to meet with my probation officer once a month and pay my monthly fee of $170.  The one thing I didn’t like much is that the probation officer would just show up out of the blue.  We could be in the middle of dinner and she would just show up and walk in.  This was irritating, but tolerable, especially given everything else we had been through.

The big problem though wasn’t the probation, it was where we lived.  I seldom went out of house without having neighbors glare at me.  Most of our friends barely talked to us anymore and we often saw our neighbors bunched up together looking at us and talking.  I felt like every eye was on us all the time.  Some neighbors were bold enough to even say things to us.  I could deal with it, what I couldn’t deal with was the impact it was having on our kids.

As surprising as this sounds, children and teachers at our kid’s schools knew about what happened.  Their parents and in some cases teachers had told the kids in the school about it.  As a result, my kids were getting harassed about it.  My oldest had actually gotten in a few fights because other kids called me names or asked my kids if they “liked little kids” because of their Dad.  How’s that for wrong?? I did nothing, yet my kids get verbally and physically harassed at school.  My kids even lost friends because their parents said they didn’t want their kids hanging around mind.  Geez and I wasn’t even guilty.

We decided to move

After a few weeks of this and given we really had no true friends we could trust in our neighborhood anyway, we decided it would be in the best interest of our family to move.  I was fortunate enough to have the ability to work from home full-time if I wanted, and I took advantage of that.

I spoke to my probation officer and she confirmed that I could move my probation and that I just let her know when and where.

We fixed some issues with our house, freshly painted everything and put it up for sale.  We started looking for homes in the area we wanted to live.  Unfortunately our home didn’t sell, so we ended up renting it.   We did find a really great home in the new town though and due to the declining real estate market, we got it for a steal.

Our new home

Now of course as things go with these types of cases, nothing could go perfectly smooth.  I called my probation officer and gave her the date to transfer my probation.  The date was the day we would be moving into our new home.  I’m not exactly sure what happened, but a few days before our scheduled move date, our real-estate agent called.   He said he had gone out to our new house to make sure everything was ready and all of the work by the previous owners was completed.   He said on the phone: “I’m not really sure how to say this, so I’ll just say it: There was  note on the door from the Department of Probation stating they had come by and that I should contact them immediately.”  Great! So much for trying to keep anyone from finding out!

I immediately called the probation officer and explained to him that we hadn’t moved yet and that he was more than welcome to come anytime after our move date.  I also asked him why he came early and explained that the note was found by my real estate agent.  He didn’t care. Fortunately I’m pretty confident our agent is the kind that wouldn’t talk, or at least I hoped he wouldn’t.  To this day, I am not aware of anyone outside of him even suspecting anything with me.

Light at the end of the tunnel

We love our new home.  While I certainly wouldn’t have wished this whole situation on my worst enemy, there was some good coming out of it:

• My family was now closer together than we had ever been
• Our faith had grown significantly stronger.  We are attending church more, reading our Bibles more and praying together as a family.
• We now live in a beautiful home in a really great small town.  Had all of this not occurred, would have never moved here.
• Shortly after moving, we also found a church home that is the most wonderful church we’ve ever attended.  We feel loved and like part of a bigger family.

If you’ve been falsely accused and suffering the same type of persecution myself and my family were going through, I would strongly advise moving.  Looking back, moving really changed our lives and has let us move on.  The move gave all of us a new start and the ability to put things behind us as much as we can.

When I last left my story, I talked about how I was continuing my required anger management counseling. That article highlighted three sex offenders whose crimes really fell into the gray area.  I mentioned that the others however weren’t so gray.  I’d like you to meet Grandpa, Raymond, and Felix.

Grandpa – A grandfather who molested his Grand daughter

Grandpa was one of the most friendly of the bunch and the most emotional as well.  He oozed remorse.  If you’ll recall, Grandpa was accused of multiple counts of indecent liberties and attempted rape on his grand daughter.  He was also the only man in the group that carried an electronic tracking device making him a serious risk in the eyes of the state.

Grandpa worked construction during the week and owned his own contracting business.  On the weekends, his granddaughter would spend the weekends at his house.  Often, his wife would have to work weekends and he would be left alone with his granddaughter, who was 5 at the time the abuse started.  I won’t go into the gory details, as frankly it’s a little too difficult to type/read, but suffice it to say it went from touching to rape over the course of 2 years.

One Sunday evening after returning home, the granddaughter complained to her mother of burning in her groin area.  The next day her mother took her to the doctor’s where a medical examination concluded she was being abused pretty severely.  When Grandpa was approached by his daughter about it, he confessed.  She called the police and pressed charges and he confused to everything to them and pleaded guilty on all accounts in exchange for reduced jail time.  He received a multi-year sentence and was required to register as a sex offender.

Had I not met this man and spent time with him, I would have frankly thought something horrible should be done to him.  What I learned though is that the emotional turmoil and agony this man has to live through on a daily basis is more than enough punishment.  He lost his wife, his daughter, and his granddaughter.  He weeps every time he talks about it.  He says he will never forgive himself and one night he even said that he would kill himself to end the pain, but doesn’t as he feels he needs to be punished.

As part of his sentence, he received significant counseling, where it was brought out that he was abused as a child.  This is a common trend with sex offenders.

Raymond  – The CEO and next door neighbor

Raymond was the CEO for a successful local company. He was well educated, made good money and lived a comfortable life.  He had two grown children and a wife of more than 25 years.  Next door lived a 7 year old girl that would often visit Raymond and his wife on the weekends.  One day Raymond’s wife was out when the 7 year old came over to visit.  Raymond had been drinking a few beers, one thing led to another, and he molested her.  That evening she told her mother who called the police.

Raymond plead guilty to the charge and was sentenced to jail time, registration as a sex offender, and counseling.  To this day he cannot explain why he did it, and swears he had never had the “urge” prior in his life.  It was a mistake he’ll never forgot.  His wife left him shortly after and his kids won’t speak to him.

While I attended the anger management portion of their counseling, Raymond told us that a little girl went missing in his neighborhood.  Within minutes, the local Sheriff’s department knocked on his door and arrested him.   Turns out the little girl had snuck to a friends house.  He also shared another story where he had been working on his car and was driving it around the neighborhood off and on to test the repairs he was doing.  A neighbor called the police and reported he was “trolling the neighborhood”.  Again, he was visited by the Sheriff who again almost arrested him.

Felix – The rapist

Felix was interesting.  On the surface he was quiet and very friendly, but there was something about him.  Something that scared me a bit.  Our counselor was very hesitant of him as well.  Felix rapped his wife.  They had been fighting.  He went out to bar, got drunk, came home and raped her multiple times.  He went to trial, pleading innocent and was found guilty on multiple charges of rape.  I can’t recall the amount of time he did, but it was close to 15 or 20 years.  He now admits he did it and that he tried to just get off my pleading not-guilty.

—-====—-

These three were in sharp contrast to the previous three.  All guilty by admission of hard core sex offense crimes.  It was awkward being around these guys at first, but over time as I came to know them, especially Grandpa and Raymond I began to wonder how long these guys should be punished for their crimes.   Grandpa and Raymond were both sincerely remorseful for what they had done.  You could hear it in the their voices and see it in their eyes.  Because of their crimes though, these guys will be punished for the rest of their lives.

My sessions ended the week or Christmas.  That evening our counselor brought some food and soft drinks for a mini Christmas party.  It was bitter sweet.  I was so glad to be done, but at the same time would miss attending.  Ironically enough, these guys were the only people outside of family and very close friends that didn’t judge me.  They didn’t look at me the same way the rest of my neighbors did and I honestly felt like they believed I was innocent.  I shook their hands, wished them the best and walked out the door.  I never looked back and swore I would never drive by that place again.

Now, almost 2 years later, I haven’t yet.  I do wonder how those guys are doing at times though.

As I attended each weekly counseling session, I grew less and less angry about being there.  To be honest, it was a little strange, at some level I enjoyed attending.  I enjoyed talking with some of the offenders and to my disbelief was learning a few things.  I wasn’t learning about how to manage my anger, but learning how to avoid putting myself in dangerous situations with children where I could be falsely accused again.  I was also learning about the real truth behind sex offenders through the stories of the members.  It was also about this time I started this site and began sharing my story with you.

Each week as we met, we all shared a little more about our stories and situations.  I thought it would be interesting to share a few of them with you, as I think it will enlighten you into who some of our “registered sex offenders” really are.

Spike

I’ll start with the guy I previously mentioned was gay.  Since he has spiked hair, we’ll call him Spike.  Spike was a school teacher.  He was an openly gay male, living with his boyfriend and had been doing so for a few years.  Spike was a very well respected teacher who received great compliments from parents and was well liked by his students.  He had wanted to be a teacher all of his life and loved working with kids and teaching them.  Spike was in his late twenties at the time.

One evening, while sitting at home grading papers, there was a knock on the door.  Spike answered the door and was greeted by a few police offers.  They stated they had a search warrant.  He was shocked.  He of course allowed them in and read the warrant.  Based on what he could tell, an undercover officer had received requests for child pornography from a person using a computer located in his home.  Him and his boyfriend only had one computer.  After reading the warrant as the other police searched the house and took the computer, he was arrested and charged with possession of child pornography.  He was informed that his boyfriend was already at the station.

I won’t go into all of the details, but the computer did in fact contain child pornography.  Spike said it wasn’t his, and that he was a lot of things, but not a pedophile.  His boyfriend would not admit it was his, and thus they were both charged with possession and distribution of child pornography.  Based on recommendations from their counsel, both plead guilty in order to receive reduced jail time.  Spike spent 6-months in jail, had to register as a sex offender, was on long term probation and had to complete a full sex offender counseling program.

Did he play a part in it?  Only he and God really know, but it sure does make you think huh?  Do you really know what your room-mate, boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse has on their computer?  Don’t think it can impact you?  What they have on their computer, since it’s in your house can make you a sex offender.

Richie

Next up is the young guy I thought was wealthy.  Since I thought he was rich, I’ll refer to him as Richie.  Seems Richie was hanging out with some friends in the city one night and met up with this really nice looking girl.  Together with a bunch of friends they went out bar hopping and the two of them ended up back at her parents place where she lived.  They had sex a few times then passed out drunk together in her bed.  He was awoken the next morning by the girls father who was extremely upset, especially since neither of them were dressed.  Richie left, grateful to not have been killed by the father.

A few days later, Richie was arrested at work and charged with rape of a minor.  Turns out, the girl he thought was “of age”, was 15.  He was 18.  The father had called the police and the next thing you know, he was in jail.  Again Richie plead guilty in order to receive a reduced jail sentence.  Frankly, he didn’t have much of a case, as he was 18, she was 15 and she never lied to him, he just assumed based on her looks and based on who she was hanging out with that she was old enough.  He was convicted of felony rape of a minor.  He received a year in jail, had to register as a sex offender, 3 years of supervised probation, and mandatory sex offender counseling.

Richie’s story is one I’ve reminded by teenage boys about a few times.  Don’t ever ever assume a girl’s age.  Doing so could ruin your life.

Fred

The guy I described as “rather unkept”, we’ll call Fred.  Fred’s situation is similar to Richie’s story.  He was 16 and at a friend’s house.  His friend’s sister, a few years younger had a slumber party the night before, so there were lots of girls still at the house.  One in particular he thought was cute, but knew she was too young, as he assumed she was the same age as his friend’s sister.  She started flirting with him and told him she was 16 as well and was older than the other girls.  Unfortunately, he believed her.

They managed to go upstairs and engaged in oral sex in his friend’s bedroom.  The girls mother arrived a little early to pick her up, and found them in the upstairs room.  After surviving the mother, he left and went on about his life for the next few days even laughing with his friends about it.  While at work 4 days later, he was arrested and charged with indecent liberties with a minor and attempted rape of a minor.  He was shocked to learn the girl was 14.

He plead guilty as well in exchange for a reduced sentence.  He got 6-months in jail, registered as a sex offender, supervised probation, and mandatory counseling.  Stupid?  Yes, but I can see how a teenage boy could very easily get himself in a similar situation.

—-====—-

Three different people, caught up in situations that completely changed their lives.  Guilty?  Yes, with the exception of maybe Spike, but all three cases really enter that gray area of the sex offender and child sex laws.  Both Fred and Richie received sentences equivalent of a 35 year old man that molests and rapes a 7 year old girl.

We all tend to think that molesters are 30 year old rapists who force themselves on women, or even worse perverted 35 year old men who molest or rape a young pre-teen girl.  While I am sure many of them are, many of them are people like Spike, Richie and Fred.

I’ll share the stories of the others in my next post, their cases aren’t so gray…in fact, they’re crystal clear.

In August of 2008, I attended by first “anger management” counseling session as part of plea bargain terms.  As I had mentioned in a previous article, this was the DAs way of tricking me into attending a few weeks of sex offender counseling.

I arrived a few minutes early at the counseling center.  A few guys were already there.  I nodded and walked up to the front desk to sign-in and pay my $35 fee.  The lady that did my initial assessment was there.  She greeted me and asked me to have a seat at the table with the two other men that were already there.  Nobody spoke to me, but I spent my time waiting and observing the two already there and those that arrived after me.  The guys already there were young, probably early twenties.  Both were decent looking guys, one fairly heavy set and not real well groomed.  The other guy was in really good shape, well groomed and frankly looked to come from a fairly well off family.

Additional men showed up over the next few minutes.  A large guy about 30 years old with spiked hair, an older thin gentleman who I would guess was in his sixties, an then another older gentleman in his mid to late 50s with a full beard.  On the later man, I immediately noticed a large black box at his belt.  I would later find out that it was a tracking device.  The final man that showed up, almost late was the only African American and I’d guess was in his mid to late forties.  To be real honest, none of them looked like I expected.  I’m not really sure how to describe what I thought they would look like, but I guess if I had to put it to words: I expected them all to look “less than normal”.  They all looked like average Joes you would meet walking down the street.

Introductions

The counselor came over, seated herself at the table and got things going.  The first order of business was introducing me.  She didn’t offer any details of my situation just said my name and that I would be joining “the group”.  She then asked each member to introduce themselves, state why they were there and provide some details of their “story”.

The large guy, approx 30-years old with the spiked hair went first.  He introduced himself, told me that he was gay and that he was guilty of possession of child pornography.  He served 6-months of jail time and ordered to register as a sex offender.  He had been attending counseling sessions for a little over two years.

The next to go was the young guy who I thought looked fairly wealthy (turns out I was wrong).  He told me he was guilty of a few things, but primarily rape of a minor.  He had been attending counseling off and on for more than 2 years.  The counselor then added that he had a bad habit of coming for a few weeks, then just stopping.  As a result, he had been in jail off and on for 2 years.  She also added that he had a bad drinking problem which contributed to his problem.

The large rather unkept guy went next.  He was guilty of indecent liberties with a minor along with a few other charges.  Similar to the previous guy, he had attended off and on and had been in jail twice.  Once initially as part of the original charge, and then again for probation violation due to not attending counseling classes.

The two older gentleman went next.  The first was the thin guy.  He surprised me when he talked as he seemed very well educated.  I would later find out he was a chief executive for a large company for many many years.  He told me he was guilty of indecent liberties with a minor, in particular an 8 year old girl who was a neighbor of his.  He explained he was long beyond ashamed and was working on trying to rebuild his life.  He had done jail time as well when initially convicted.

The older gentleman with the beard started to cry before he even talked.  He said having to state what he had done was one of the most difficult things he had to do.  He was found guilty of multiple counts of indecent liberties with a minor and rape of a minor.  The victim: his granddaughter.  At this point he became overwhelmed with emotion and literally sobbed for a good 2-3 minutes.  He finally regained control and told me that he had lost his wife of more than 30 years whom he loved dearly, his daughter (the mother of the girl) and the “apple of his eye” and all of his grandchildren as a result of his mistake.  He explained that his whole goal in life was to just get through the day and survive the overwhelming emotions of guilt and regret.  I never imagined I could feel bad for a child sex offender, but this guy broke my heart.  In his eyes I saw a man that was so full of pain that it just flowed out of him with tears and sorrow.  I noticed a few of the other men had tears in their eyes as well.  Frankly, I was tearing up too.  I was shocked…I hadn’t expected this.

The final man to go was the African American.  He explained that he was guilty of first degree rape of his wife.  My immediate reaction, although not out loud was huh?  Turns out, they were on rocky ground due to a severe drinking problem he had.  They were sleeping in separate rooms in the house, and he came home drunk one night and raped her.  He started to tear up too.  Then he said, “I am just trying to live.”  The counselor then stepped in and said while I feel bad for him, he still drinks heavily and does drugs.  Until he solves that problem, it’s hard for me to feel he’s on the right track.  The man just nodded and looked away.

My turn

The counselor then looked at me and said “your turn”.  I immediately told them that I shouldn’t be there, that I took a plea but wasn’t guilty of anything as I didn’t do anything.   The guy with the spiked hair interrupted me and very pointedly said: “Don’t even go there, regardless of whether you did it or not, you are guilty.  You plead to a crime, it’s on your record and people will think you did it.   Very few that come in here initially say they did it, so we’ll see whether you did or not.”  Wow…that surprised me, but I couldn’t disagree with what he was saying.  While he was direct, I sincerely felt like he was just being honest, but in a caring way. I would later find out that it was part of the “graduation process” for sex offenders in counseling to take over a counseling type role.  He was in the final stage and was doing just that.

The first lesson

The counselor then took over and said with that out of the way, let’s pick up where we last left off.  Seems they hadn’t started anger management yet and wouldn’t do so for a few weeks.  To be honest, I don’t recall the topic they were going through, but it had to do with their feelings and how to keep control of them.  They all listened and participated.  I remained quiet as this was all new to me.

When the session was done, everybody said it was nice to meet me and they would see me next week.  The counselor walked up and said that I had been quiet tonight.  She expected that since it was my first night, but that participation in the sessions was required and that she expected me to participate more next week.  She said it nicely though.  I noticed that the cold exterior I saw during the assessment was gone.  She seemed…nice…and really caring about the people in that were in the room.

I left to go home.  Over the next few weeks I would learn each of their stories in far more detail and I’ll share those with you.  I think each story will surprise you.

A few days after the initial meeting with my probation officer, I arrived at a small brick building in downtown for my counseling assessment.  Frankly, I had no idea what to expect.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to get a real child sex offender assessment or whether it was just going to be an interview. I walked in and providing them with my name and was asked to wait.  I waited for about 10 minutes and small framed women walked out and asked me to come into her office.

I was asked to sit across from her and she sat behind her desk.  She didn’t say anything at first and just browsed through a file that was open on her desk in front of her.  After a few minutes she looked up and asked if I knew why I was here?  I responded yes and told her it was a condition of my probation to attend anger management classes.  She nodded, and then asked me to tell her my story from start to finish.  She wanted to her about that initial night of the accusation and about what had occurred since.  As she finished talking, I was suddenly struck by how cold this women was.  She showed no emotion, provided no small talk, and frankly seemed to say the minimum amount of words necessary.  She did not seem friendly in the least bit.

I told her my story and she listened intently, often asking me to pause while she wrote down what I was saying.  She explained to me that it was necessary for her to write down almost to the word what I was describing.  She paused a few times as well to ask questions about the story, and seemed surprised more than once with my answers.  When I finally finished almost an hour later she looked at me and said “That’s some story.  Is is true?”  I responded “Absolutely” and she nodded.  She said this was the first time in her few years of doing this that she had her a story with as many “issues and questions” as mine had.  I noticed as we talked a bit that one of the folders on her desk was a copy of my case file, including the child’s medical report.  So she knew the story already.

She then reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a form and asked me to read and sign-in.  The form was a “Sex Offender treatment permission form”.  In surprise I handed it back to her immediately and said that is not what I am here for.  She replied that it was just a standard form and since I was here to take anger management training as part of her larger sex offender training program, I would be required to sign it.  I explained that I was not trying to be difficult, but that I was not going to sign a form that had “sex offender” on it in any way shape or form and that by doing so, I would be admitting myself as a sex offender, which I am not.

We discussed it for a few minutes, and I basically told her politely but firmly that this wasn’t going to work, and I would need to meet with my probation officer again to discuss this further and possibly even my attorney.  She sighed, and turned on her computer and asked me to give her few minutes.  She finished typing and a document came out of her printer.  She handed it to me and said “Hopefully this will meet your needs.”  At the top it said “Anger management consent form”.  I read through it, signed it, and thanked her.  She proceeded to get up and explained to me that the first class was next Tuesday night and she expected me to be there.  She said classes start at 7:30pm, if I was more than 5 minutes late, the door would be locked and I would not be allowed in and considered absent.  She also informed me that each class cost $35, payable in cash.  What? She then said that not paying or not showing up to class is considered a probation violation and that she would inform my probation officer.  Nice.

So now, in addition to the “victim” compensation, and the monthly probably fee, I now have to pay a $35 per class counseling fee.  Neither the probation fee or counseling fee was mentioned to me when I agreed to the plea.  I mean, I wasn’t going to go hungry over it or anything, but each time something like this came up, it made me realize that my whole case was really about money.

I left, thinking the assessment had been far easier than I thought it was going to be.  I basically just told my story, answered a few questions and was done.  As I drove away thoughts about the class began the wander in my mind.  I was really nervous about the class and the people who would be in it.  Would their stories be like mine or would they admit to their crimes?  In a few days, I would find out.

I sat waiting in the probation area for about 15 minutes and finally heard a door open right in front of me.  Looking up I saw a middle aged lady standing there asking me to come on back.  She looked friendly enough.  We walked through a short hallway and into a small office where I sat down.  She introduced herself, and leafed through a file that I noticed had my name and case number on it.  After a few minutes she stated she would read through it in more detail later, but wanted to overview the probation process for me.  She also asked that before we jumped in that I give her an overview of my case, which I did from start to finish.

When I was done, she just stared at me for a minute and said “Wow”.  She had a very shocked look on her face, but hesitated saying anything.  She only replied that given the charges and interest the DA had in my case, she was surprised I got a misdemeanor charge and 18-months probation.  I responded by saying they didn’t have much of a case, but wouldn’t drop it.  She just shook her head and opened up my file.

Probation Terms

The first item she reviewed was the terms of my probation.  She walked through each of the items on the “special terms” I had agreed to as part of my plea bargain.  We spent the most time discussing three of them.

Financial Terms

This is where I got my first little surprise.  She informed me that I would be required to make monthly payments.  Those payments would consist of the amount I owed “the victim” spread out over the 18-month probation term.  Additionally, I would have to pay $35/month probation.  The “victim” money I expected, the probation fee I didn’t.  Nobody had told me prior to this meeting that I would need to pay a probation fee.  While not a huge amount of money, $35 dollars over 18-months added up to be $630.00.  Given the 20k plus I had just dished out to my attorney, plus the “victim money” and now this…the financial strain was definitely kicking in.

She filled out a financial terms form and had me sign it.  Frankly, I didn’t have any choice.  Not signing it would result in me being in violation of my probation terms meaning I would go to jail.  So I signed it and expressed my concerns about not being aware of the fee.  Her only reply was “sorry about that”.  She then explained to me that if I got more than a couple of months behind on my payments, she would be forced to send me jail.  I found this interesting.  So if I can’t make the payment for some reason, I go to jail, resulting in me not working and thus further not being able to pay the bill.  I wondered how that worked for people.

After signing and reviewing the financial terms, she told me how to make payments and that I was expected to make my first one today.  Only cash was expected.  What?  I explained to her that I didn’t have the cash on me, but would come over later in the afternoon or tomorrow and make it.  She agreed, but made it very clear that payment needed to be made.

Additional Terms for being around children

The next surprise occurred when we reached the item in my plea agreement where I wasn’t supposed to be around children other than my own without adult supervision.  As she explained it to me, in order for an adult to be considered for “adult supervision”, that adult had to meet with and be approved by my probation officer.  No big deal right?  Well, let’s think that through…Can I go to other people’s homes that have children without my probation officer meeting them?  Could I go to the mall?  How about when other kids come over in our driveway or yard to play with my kids?

I asked her about all of this and her answer was wherever reasonable she needs to approve the adult that will be with me.  So this basically allowed me to go to public places like malls, stores, etc where there were lot of adults.  But for visiting friends, going to church, kids playing around our house, etc my wife had to be there and my wife had to meet my probation officer first.  I asked her a little further about this since that wasn’t what the agreement actually said.  Her response was that as the probation officer, she had the right to enforce the rules as she felt they needed to be enforced.  I later learned this was not true and that probation officers can only enforce the rules as they are written in the judgement, no more, no less.

Counseling/Anger Management

Now for the big curve ball.  She gave me the name and address of the organization I would be working with for the anger management counseling.  However, she informed me that she had already spoken with them.  The organization didn’t offer specific anger management counseling, but instead they would place me in the sex offender counseling sessions.  Turns out they just happened to be getting ready to start the anger management portion of their curriculum.  The slimey DA had worked this out in advance.  This was the DAs way of getting me into sex offender treatment by tricking me.  The only good news was that I only had to attend for 6-weeks.

I of course challenged this and was told that was the only option, and that if I didn’t cooperate it would be considered a probation violation and I would go to jail (seeing a pattern here?).  I later contacted my attorney who said there was really nothing he could do and that technically what they were doing met the terms of the agreement.  Lied to and screwed again!  Folks, remember the law is NOT on your side.

My probation officer then called and made an appointment for me to have an assessment done before my counseling started.  Another surprise.  Since I was going into the sex offender counseling session, I had to have a formal assessment done.  Something I had completely refused to do while I was waiting on this to be resolved.  Not knowing what I was really getting myself into, I thought I would at least go over and meet with them.  The appointment was for a few days later.  If I became uncomfortable or felt the “assessment” was hurting me more than helping, I would just leave.

My probation officer then informed me that her and I would be meeting at least monthly and initially each wee.  She made our appointment for the following week.  She told me that if she needed to meet with me sooner, that she would call me.  She also reminded me that she would be stopping by every so often unannounced and would also be doing searches of the property without a warrant.  If I failed to allow these, I would be arrested immediately.  She also went through in gory detail any “sexual materials” that would be considered in violation of my probation.  This included sex toys, pornography (written or visual), and pornographic movies.  My computer would also be checked and no pornography or history of viewing pornographic sites was allowed.  If they found any guess what?  Yep, go to jail.  This was not a problem for me, I don’t have pornography and don’t view it.

I left her office to head to the bank to get some cash to pay for the initial probation payment.  The whole time thinking that didn’t go at all as I expected.  Even after agreeing to the plea, I was still being screwed.  I wondered what additional surprises awaited me over the next 18 months and especially during my assessment appointment in the next few days.  I was also very nervous about sitting in counseling sessions with real convicted sex offenders.  I thought to myself, only 18 more months to go.  I’d been through so much, I could surely endure this too.

The court day had been looming for days.  My attorney and the DA managed to get time with the judge during a private court session so nobody else would be in the room, not even the press.  I hadn’t slept much the night before stressing over the day ahead.  We arrived early as requested by our attorney and waited in the 50s styled waiting room to enter the courtroom.  My wife, my father, step mother and two older boys sat there with me.  I didn’t want my kids to come, but they insisted as they wanted to support me.  It was a show of unity and while we wouldn’t say much of anything during court, the fact that we were all together supporting each other was a message way more than any words could express.

My attorney had met with my wife and I a few days before and explained to us exactly what we could expect.  He expected the mother, based on his conversations with the DA, to be very dramatic and she had prepared a statement that she would address directly at me.  This was no surprise, as the mother was a dramatic person anyway.  She seemed to live for it.  His recommendation was for me to say nothing and if I could help it, not to even look at the girl’s family.  He strongly advised me to say nothing, as it wouldn’t help the situation any and could possibly cause the judge to question the plea agreement.  I didn’t realize this, but judge’s have the power to deny plea agreements and force you to trial.

The Courtroom

Our attorney went into the courtroom and came back out a few minutes later.  He told us to come in and that the DA and mother hadn’t arrived yet.  I was seated upfront next to my attorney and my family behind me.  I looked straight ahead and just prayed for peace and that this would quickly be over.

A few minutes later my wife told me they were walking in.  Both the father and mother of the girl came.  I refused to give them the satisfaction of me acknowledging them.  We all sat in what seemed like an eternity of silence, until court was started and the judge walked in.

After the girl’s family was seated, the DA over viewed the case along with the fact we had come to a plea agreement.  The agreement was given to the judge for review and the judge allowed the mother to speak.  I detested the way the DA stated factually that I had molested the little girl in my home.  She never said accused, just that I had done it.  She also left out much of the detail that makes the story seem like such a lie.  Listening to her speak, it literally made me sick to my stomach.  For a few minutes, I literally thought I might have to excuse myself.  I felt somewhat ashamed as I sat there knowing I was basically there to admit to a crime  that I hadn’t truely done.

The judge then gave the mother an opportunity to speak.  As expected, she proceeded to tell how devastated the supposed events had been on their family, how she had trusted me and I had violated that trust.  She cried and even border lined on shouting a few times.   I never once looked at her.  I looked straight ahead.  Every nerve in my body wanted to stand up and should back: “You!?  You!?  What about what you’ve done to my life?? You have no clue what you have put me and my family through!  Why would you do this?  Why would you make up something so horrible?”

I wanted to tell her how her unfounded accusations had ruined our lives, how we had lost friends and how our kids were made fun of at school.  I wanted to tell her about how I had cried for days after being taken from my family and how I had to take prescription drugs just to sleep at night.  During her “speech” she also mentioned how much the counseling had cost her when they didn’t have much money to begin with.  Trust me, the $2000 she supposedly spent on counseling was a drop in the bucket to the almost $30,000 this whole case cost me by the time it was all said and done.  Funny, we never received proof of any counseling.

She finally finished saying only that she hoped that both families could now move on.  What?  Move on?  Easy for her to say, I still faced 18 more months of probation and a lifetime of dealing with this and having to explain it.  The judge asked me if I had anything to say.  I hesitated for a few seconds, and slowly responded: “No your honor.”  Not saying anything was hard, but I knew my attorney was right.  There was nothing to be gained by saying anything and I just wanted this over.  While saying some words might make me feel better temporarily, it wouldn’t change the end result.  It was what it was.

Probation

We walked out the courtroom immediately and I was told I needed to walk down immediately and register with my probation.  I was a bit caught off guard at that, as my attorney had not explained that I would need to do this.  Just another inconvenience in a year or more of many many extreme hardships I suppose.  My family left to wait in the car while I walked down the long old hallway at the court house towards the probation office. More than  18 months behind me, now another 18 months ahead of me.  All I could think about was the 4 years of my life torn apart by the false accusation of my 4 year old little girl and her mother.  I still don’t understand how this can happen, but it did.

“Hi, I’m here to meet with my probation officer, I just left court.”

“She’ll be with you in a moment, please have a seat in the hallway”.

I sat down in an area with 2 or 3 other people.  I looked out of place and felt out of place.  I was now a criminal, with a record to prove it.  I felt ashamed, hurt, betrayed and angry.  Even though I had done nothing wrong, I felt guilty.  I felt guilty because I was there.   I also felt guilty for the shame this had brought to my wife, my kids, my parents, my friends.  At least this stage was over.  I sat there waiting and wondering what new surprises lurked behind the probation door.

After days of agonizing, in late July of 2008, I signed a plea agreement drafted by my attorney and the DA.  I received a 60 day suspended sentence with supervised probation for 18 months.  18 months was the minimum amount for the state I live in.  In addition to the standard probationary terms, the following terms also applied:

1. I had to participate in an anger management program at a local counseling and treatment center.  I’ll talk more on this later, but I basically got scammed.
2. I was not to possess any sexually stimulating or sexually oriented materials.  I would agree to allowing warrantless searches my home and computer by the probation officer and if any such materials were found, it would be a probation violation.
3. I would under go drug testing as required by the probation officer.
4. I would remain away from the “victim” and her family.
5. I agreed to have no unsupervised contact with any child under the age of 16 during my probation, except for my own children.
6. I would pay restitution in the amount of $2000.00 during the period of probation.  This was supposedly to pay for the “victims” counseling.  I tried very hard to get this removed from the agreement, but the DA and “victim’s” family flat our refused.
7. I would be allowed to travel out of state for work
8. All of the items removed from my home during the initial search warrant would be returned.  This included computers, tapes of my children being born, family photos and a number of other items.
9. My original charges would be dismissed.

Taking this plea was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever faced.  I wanted to believe in the system and know that an innocent man wouldn’t be found guilty.  But given my experiences over the past year, I knew that was not the case.  I could see very clearly how someone who had done nothing wrong, could find themselves in jail and their life as they knew it over.

My employer would allow me to continue to work with plea agreement terms as well, which was a critical factor for me.  I finally decided that in order to end this for my family and not risk their futures, I would need to ding mine.  People would think what they wanted regardless of my decision.  The only people that mattered to me were my family and my God.

I signed the plea sometime at the end of July, and agreed to it in court on on Wednesday, August 13th.  Court was horrible, but I’ll save that story for another day.

Between September of 2007, when DSS finally allowed me to come home and July of 2008, nothing happened with my legal case.  Two very high profile murder cases came up and completely dominated the DA and and assistant DAs time.  Unless I was willing to plead guilty to my full charges, they didn’t even want to talk to me.  So on the advise my of my attorney, we waited.

In July of 2008, my attorney contacted me and informed me that the assistant DA assigned to my case finally wanted to meet with my attorney.  I don’t know the details of what was discussed, but he wanted to meet with us.  Later that week we had a meeting with him, and the assistant DA had made a “final” plea bargain.  The plea bargain was: Misdemeanor assault on a minor.  If I took this plea, I would not have to register as a sex offender and would be required to take a 3-month sexual offender class, server 18-months of probation, and pay the “victim” $2000.00 to cover Evonne’s supposed counseling.  Additionally, the felony charges and arrest would be expunged from my record.

Obviously I didn’t want to take a plea, but this particular offer had a few things that attracted me:

1. Based on what I had learned it was very very rare for a felony charge like mine to be reduced to a misdemeanor.  What that did tell me though was that the DA didn’t think she had a strong case.  The question was, was I willing to risk my family?
2. A misdemeanor charge would most likely let me keep my job.
3. Taking the plea would let me move on with my life, and not have to endure another 6-12 months of emotional stress waiting for trial.

The most important thing to be at the time was the well being of my family.  They depended on me for my income, especially considering my 9-year old is a type 1 diabetic.  What this plea really boiled down to was one question: Was I willing to risk my family for a not-guilty verdict?

Needless to say we told my attorney we needed some time.  This was one of the most important decisions I had ever faced.  I also needed to consult with my employer and make sure that if I accepted the plea I could stay employed.

I asked my attorney for his recommendation.  He slowly replied and said while it wasn’t the outcome either of us desired, it was a very very good deal.  He also said in the history of him handling similar cases, he had never had a felony case reduced to a misdemeanor like this.  His recommendation was that I take the plea.  His whole point being that if we went to trial, he still felt the verdict would boil down to whether the jury believed me or a 4 year old girl.  History shows that juries believe children, not adults.  He said he honestly felt that we had a 50% chance of winning.  He also took some time to make me very aware of what would happen if a “guilty” verdict was issued.  Chances were I would go to jail, I would definitely be placed on the sex offender registry, and would also be a prime target for a follow on civil suit for damages (read $$).

We left his office with lots of information to think on, and big decision to make.  If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

I also considered one last thing…My whole purpose of wanting to go to trial was to be found innocent.  I wanted this more than anything so that I could throw it in the faces all of our friends that turned their backs on us.  But would that really happen?  Most likely not.  Based on what I had read, even if I was found innocent, those people would just think I “got off”.  Their decision on whether I was guilty or not was made a long time ago when they first heard I was arrested.  I seriously doubted a “not guilty” verdict would change their minds.

A few weeks after our face-to-face meeting with DSS in September of 2007, we received a call from our DSS worker.  She has something to tell us, but wanted to tell us in person.  She asked for both of us to be there.  After all that we had been through, we expected the worst.  What she told us was truely the most wonderful thing I had heard since all of this happened:  She told me I could come home and that our DSS case was being closed.

It would seem our face-to-face meeting made a difference.  I’m pretty sure that by them seeing and talking to me made the difference.  I was no longer just a name on a sheet of paper, but a real human being.  I think they saw me for who I really was: A Dad that was lost without his family.  She left shortly after telling us, and my wife immediately went to the schools to get my kids.  Finally being able to stay home with my family was one of the happiest moments in my life.  People say you never truly know what you have until it’s taken away from you and that is such a true statement.

This was a huge step forward for us, and while we knew we had a long way to go and still faced the legal charges, at least DSS was out of the picture.  Being home allowed us all to return to a level of normality we hadn’t had in over a year.

I slept better that night than I had in a very long time.  Being able to sleep in my bed, with my wife, in my house was truely an answer to prayer.