In 2005, my wife was a member of a mommies only forum on the internet. She began expressing her frustration with the fact that fathers were not allowed to participate in these mommies only groups with a couple of her online friends. They decided to start their own forum for all parents, including fathers.
Working in technology and having done web development in the past, my wife asked me to if I would be interested in developing the site and being a member. A little hesitant at first, I decided to help and try participating to see if I would like it. A week or two later, we launched the site and registration only forum that allowed parents within our metropolitan area to join and discuss parenting topics. The site grew slowly, but was well liked by everyone. My wife and I began making new friends and really enjoyed the interaction.
As our friendship grew, members became interested in meeting face-to-face. The founders of the forums decided to begin a series of quarterly face-to-face get togethers. The first would be in a public place since only a few of us had met personally prior to meeting online.
A number of these face-to-face get togethers had occurred, often quarterly. As members became more and more comfortable with each other, they decided they preferred having the get togethers at our home rather than out at other locations. Let me be 100% clear, this was not our idea, but ironically enough my accusers mother’s idea.
Our final get together was on November 4th, 2006.
The day it all began
The party was scheduled to begin at 4:00pm and members began arriving on time. I received a call at 4:00 from Rose and Scott*, two of our best friends from the forum. They said they were running late and would be there around 4:30. They in fact didn’t arrive until 5:00pm.
Rose and Scott arrived with their two children, Evonne age 4 and their toddler son. We greeted them and talked with them for a bit. Rose seemed to be quite agitated as noticed by both ourselves and other members. I then spent time mingling with the other members until it was time to start cooking the food. At this point, there were 13 adults and 14 children in our home including us and our children. I went out on the back deck to begin cooking the hamburgers and hot dogs for everyone.
Finally finishing up the food, I came in and prepared my food and sat in the living room floor and ate with many of the other guests. This was around 6:00. I finished eating, and continued talking with a number of guests.
Many of the children, including mine were playing in our front “entertainment” room. The children were watching movies, playing on the computer and playing with various toys in the room. For this particular party, my wife and I had decided to block the stairs to keep everyone downstairs. This was due to a few parents not watching their children during prior parties and also because our 6 year old son wasn’t feeling well and was laying down in his room. We advised the parents of this, but they chose to stay.
While talking to the members, I noticed that the children were opening and closing one of the double doors to the entertainment room, and mentioned this to another male member since one of the kids doing this was his daughter. He said he had tried to stop them but couldn’t. So I walked over to the office, and propped one door open with our vacuum cleaner, and opened up the other door and put a large wicker chair in front of it to hold it open. I asked the children to please leave the doors alone that someone was going to get their fingers smashed. The importance of this will become clear later.
The biggest mistake of my life
While in the living room/kitchen area, I noticed that Evonne was hanging around her Dad and not playing much with the other kids. I noticed she seemed bored, I asked her why she wasn’t in the front room with the other kids? Knowing that Evonne was often shy, I offered to walk in there with her, and she agreed. I did this because her mother was ignoring her and her father had his hands full with their toddler son. Her father was right next to us when I made this offer and he encouraged her to go in with me.
I stopped at the back of the entertainment room, behind where my kids and the other kids were sitting, and told her she could sit down and watch the movie with them. I began to walk out and she followed. She seemed hesitant to stay in the room. So, I got down on my knees to her level and tried to encourage her to watch the movie with the other kids. She walked over in front of me and sat down on my lap. I was on my knees, sitting on my feet. I told her that I couldn’t stay in the room very long and that I needed to go back in with the adults in a minute.
After a few minutes, I told her my feet were hurting and that she had to get up, so I pushed her into a standing position and got ready to get up. She acted like she wanted me to stay, so I sat down cross legged moved back and she again sat down on my lap. Turns out, sitting with her would turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
My oldest son turned around and talked to me and Evonne about the movie. As he talked, I noticed he kept glancing down at Evonne as if trying to make me notice something. I looked, and realized she was sitting with her legs open. I pushed her knees together, and pulled her dress down over her knees, and said to her “We don’t want any boys seeing up your dress”.
In the room during the whole time, were my children, along with man other children. My younger son was upstairs in his room severely sick to his stomach and even vomiting. He was laying down and we were trying to keep him away from the other children, thinking he had a stomach virus. We were very very wrong. We would later find out he was a type 1 diabetic and in a very high stage of hypoglycemia.
I sat there with her for just a few more minutes continuing to talk with my children off and on along with Evonne. I finally told Evonne that I wanted to go in with the adults. I started to push her up off of me and noticed she was about asleep. At this point, the boys starting laughing loudly, and she jerked up at the noise. I again told her I was going back in with the adults, and pushed her up off of me. She sat back down, and I don’t know whether she stayed in the room or not. I walked out, and into the dining room area where some of the adults were were talking.
Later, Upstairs – Another foolish mistake
Later in the evening I went upstairs to check on my sick son and see if he was okay. While in the room, I heard some other kids coming up the stairs. It was Evonne, another girl I’ll refer to as Addison, my youngest son and two other boys. They wanted to go into our bonus room (my older boys room) where we had let the kids play at previous parties. Trying to be nice, I told them they could go in for a minute, but we needed to get back downstairs.
Addison immediately headed for what my kids call “the hole”. The hole is an area my wife and I hollowed out and finished between the cape windows over our garage. I walked over to turn the light on and tell her to be careful. My wife had placed some storage items in there and that she shouldn’t get on it or mess with it. I was leaned over talking too her (the doorway is only 3 foot tall). I was in the doorway.
At that point, Rose (Evonne’s mother) walked around the corner and said “Oh, I didn’t know you were up here”. I got up and walked into the main part of the room to talk to her. Addison walked out of the “the hole” and Evonne went in. Rose told me that Addison was being very mean to Evonne that evening. Rose then looked at Addison and told her she needed to let Rose play as well and that she needed to be quit being mean to her.
We talked for another minute or two, and Rose said she was going back downstairs. I told her I was coming right behind her, and told the kids it was time to go downstairs. We all walked downstairs. I should have never gone up there.
The party wraps up
Scott and Rose left around 7:00pm if I recall. They said they didn’t want to stay late as they had to get up for church in the morning. I thought this particularly odd as they generally stayed well past the other members leaving to talk and spend time with us. I told Rose and Scott bye. Scott shook my hand and said thanks for inviting us and that it was good seeing us again. I noticed nothing unusual.
Later in the forums
At 8:45pm, Rose posted a new thread on the parenting website titled “Thank you” that said:
We had so much fun tonight! Sorry we were late and left kinda early…long drive though…anyway, it was great to see everyone and meet some new faces! Thanks for having us!
Later that evening at 9:34pm, I sent her a private message on on the forums that said:
Have to say, Evonne made my night tonight. When I took her in with the boys, she just plopped down in my lap and about went to sleep, I completely melted. She’s a SWEETY and has me wrapped
I felt really bad about Addison being mean to her, really sorry about that but I think Addison got jealous of me playing with Evonne.
It was really good to see you guys, I just felt bad I didn’t get to talk too you too much. Was either cooking, or herding kids.
You guys will have to stop by and visit just one on one sometime.
Rose replied at 9:41pm with:
I know! That was so sweet! She really likes you!
No Participation from Rose in the forums
On Sunday nor Monday, there was no activity from Rose in the forums. This was highly unusual as Rose was one of our most active members and was in the forums very often. We heard from another member that she could read the site but couldn’t post for some reason. Hmmmm…
On Monday 11/6/2006, my wife received a phone call at the house while I was still at work around 5:00pm, but she didn’t answer as our neighbor’s were over visiting. A second call was received about a half hour later and a message was left by a detective from the local police department for me to call her back.
Read about my phone call to the detective and what happened next.
* Rose, Scott, and Evonne are not the accusers real names. I was going to use their real names, but my attorney strongly advised me against it as I would be risking a potential civil law suit. Not something I need right now or ever.
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Your mistakes were the result of a lie that every man believes today: that the interaction between a man and a child is judged under the same standards as the interaction between a woman and a child.
We men are encouraged to take care of our sons and daughters, that dad has as much responsibility as mom. However, when dad does what is right and takes care of his children, he automatically places himself under the rule of her wife. Dad will not realize this if all goes well, but if divorce comes then he may be on his way to hell. This is my story. I took care of my daughter, I was foolish enough to change her diapers, take her to the potty and gave her a bath. Now combine this with a vindictive ex-wife and you have a destroyed life, mine.
i KNOW WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH.mY OWN SON WAS FALSELY ACCUSED BY HIS EX-WIFE ,HER TWO DAUGHTERS AND HIS SISTER WHO ALL WERE TICKED AT HIM FOR VARIOUS REASONS.accusations were made and he went through the process with the state believeing them all all the way as he had no concrete evidence that he never did any of the stuff they accused him off.His lawyer told him to accept a plea bargain for two years and eight years probation which he did .all the charges were dropped to a lewd and lasivious and a domestic which he did not do but said he did to be able to take the plea bargain versus a jury trial which would have been 6 life sentences if found quilty by the jury.Now he is in jail going through counseling and hell as his counselor is telling him he has to admit to all original charges that were dropped when he took the plea bargain.How is this fair? Is there no justice ,no one who can represent the innocent and win a case?
I have learned that if you are accused even if you are innocent you will go to jail if it is your word against any vindictive person.It is totally unfair to the innocent but I know of a few good men who are in jail because their ex-wives ,girlfriends ,or other got pissed off and decided they wanted them in jail and out of the way for some reason.Why doesn’t the judicial system recognize that just because some men do molest,or beat on women and children that not everyone that is accused is guilty???.
Sorry that should have been NOT GUILTY TYPO ERROR
My brother is in the same sittuation. his seven year step daughter has accused him of child molestion and i dont know what to do and i amcrying out for help
To Unjustly Served~
I am a mother of a son wrongfully convicted for being falsely accused of harming his daughter. Yes, this is the best way for an ex to get rid of their spouse!!!! No proof, even having eyewitnesses present and exculpatory DNA doesn’t change anything. They lock you up and throw away the key!!!!!! I’m sorry you too had to deal with this but know you are not alone. Many, many men are in prison because this is the new divorce tactic!
Latonya
Just say what you need. I am pretty experienced at this.
Shirley
Wow….. I can feel your pain. Read the deposition of Dr. Myra Burt at my website. IWantmydad.com
Missing our son
I know exactly how you feel. My heart is with you.
I am mike at FixMyHome@aol
It’s terrible how the LAW which is suposedly made to justify things seems to always do the opposite. This so called justice seems to favor what seems like the innocent and charge after the ones more likely to blame without any critical information or evidence. It’s sad to see innocent men go to jail for such indecent people and sometimes the word of a child which can easily be miss guided or corrupted by outside forces. I believe if it wasnt for the broken justice we have now alot less people, inocent people would go to jail for the crimes unrightly accused.
Going through the same thing but it is my step dad who has gone to prison for seven years,because of two of his children (well I say children they are in their 40’s now) and his sick ex wife who have never left him or my Mum in peace.
My step dad has bought 3 (2 girls 1 boy) of us up since we was about the age of7 11 13 and he has 7 grand daughters,but the jury in their infinite wisdom believed the dark side!He has NEVER touched any of us girls or boys.
He never pleaded guilty why should he when he has done nothing wrong….so now all of my family are suffering because of the evil,vindictive people that bought this on him.
Good example of how jury’s tend to believe children. I get beat up on here pretty good for taking a plea. Some people even think that’s a sign of guilt. Your step-Dad’s situation is a great example of why I chose to take a plea. Had I “fought the law”, I could be sitting in jail right now and jail is just part of the problem. Ever heard of felon’s trying to get a good job? Next to impossible.
The thing is Dad they are not children now they are in their 40’s and were saying that the abuse started when one of them was one years old….How the heck can anyone remember anything that happened at that age.I’m from the UK and I always used to think where there’s smoke there’s fire and I guess anyone who hasn’t been in this situation thinks the same.
Which is probably why Juror’s look at this in the same way.They are ordinary people who have kids or grandchildren but…..They don,t know the accused.
My step dad (I hate calling him that because he has been in our life as a Dad for 25 years) has said if he had pleaded guilty he would of been out in 4 years but as it stands now its 14….He is 62 now!!!
It is all going through an appeal before one judge and if the judge see’s fit for it to go for a re-trail (based on points of law, like lack of medical evidence and he cant prove where he was on the “days” it happened) It will then go before 5 judges NO JURY!!!
As you’ve probably guessed having a bit of a bad day
Your story is truly amazing still reading through….Thanks for sharing it’s good to know we are not the only ones going through it xxx
I hate to say this- because I am a woman and have always been a feminist…but women have a tendency to make false allegations. Not all of them, but many women use the legal system to get retrobution or to set someone up…even if there’re doing the misdeeds. I have seen women do some pretty nasty things and using the legal system to get revenge is one of them. Sometimes it’s just good old fashion paranoia. But the legal system should look at more than the the evidence against the accused. For instance- say you have a domestic violence call and a woman accuses another of assault- the officer responds and sees a red mark on her cheek or other incriminating evidence; should the officer not investigate what might have led to this outcome? Should he/she just assume that the accuser is the victim- based solely on the red cheek and her statement? What if she attempted to or physically assaulted him/her 1st? What if she stalked and terrorized the supposed “offender”? How about doing a little research on the accuser and finding out if they’ve made these kinds of allegations in the past, and to what extent, and under what circumstances? Or is this called victimizing the victim??? Give me a break! This kind of crap needs to stop! It’s a virtual witchhunt…w/ everyone accusing everyone- and the police and legal system are reinforcing the hysteria! The police and legal system is a joke anymore- a bunch of mindless, incompetant morons!
Most of you make me sick. Divorce Tactic??? Get real. It’s another excuse from the accused man or womans famliy to protect their feelings and themselfs. Excuses… no matter how many times you tell yourself the story you want to believe does not make it true. People we know and love hide things all the time. Being a mother of a victim was hard for me! I couldn’t believe what happened… I couldn’t believe that a man I was once married to could do such a horrible thing to our own child. Should I have known? I couldn’t believe the way his family turned their backs on the kids. Not one day goes by that I think about his sentence. They could have put him in jail for the rest of his life and it still is not justice to me. Jail for a few years and the kids memories for the rest of their lives? This is a horrible thing to go through for the victims side and I’m sure it is also for the accused side but making excuses for what happened and blaming others is not the way out.